'oh! That's ... Different'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an unusual first name. When I am introduced to a new acquaintance, often they will make a comment. When the comment is, "What a pretty name!" or "How lovely!" it is easy to respond with, "Thank you."
But when the comment is, "Oh that's different," how does one respond? "Yes" seems a bit weak.
GENTLE READER: Well, it's a weak remark that doesn't deserve much of a response. But you could say, "Isn't that what names are for? To differentiate individuals?"
However, we are in an era of imaginative names. Miss Manners would think that the people who are most likely to encounter that silly comment are those who are named Susan or John or Mary or Thomas or Linda or Gary or Carol or Arthur or ...
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I often go to the opera, and it seems that every time, as soon as the final curtain begins to drop, there are dozens of patrons that immediately begin to gather their things and head for the exits.
I find this both embarrassing and rude. Not only do these people inconvenience those of us who have to get out of their way as they aggressively shuffle down the aisle, but it is so inconsiderate to the performers. They have shared their considerable talents for the previous three hours, only to see the backs of all these patrons rushing for the exits as they take their well-deserved curtain calls.
I realize that snarky comments or an "accidental" trip is not the solution, and there may not be one, but perhaps a public scolding by Miss Manners might help a bit.
GENTLE READER: So you understand the impulse to be rude or violent, although Miss Manners is grateful that you decided not to act upon it.
But you do not understand the impulse to go home when the opera is over. Maybe these people have a babysitter to release. Or a train to catch.
Because when that last curtain goes down, the opera is over. Yes, it is a time for the audience to show its reaction -- not its gratitude, as is often mistakenly assumed. The usual response is to clap, which the phenomenon of grade inflation is turning into routine standing ovations.
It is nevertheless possible that some people were not enthralled by the performance. In societies with robust musical traditions, negative reactions -- booing, whistling, calling for punishment -- may be expressed. Or they may just want to leave.
Have you ever arrived after many people in your row were seated, and counted on their accepting the inconvenience of having to let you crowd by them to reach your seat? Equivalent courtesy should be extended to those who are departing before you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a barbecue but I was not sure if I could use my fingers to hold the chicken. So, I just decided not to eat the chicken at all. Tell me what to do for the next time.
GENTLE READER: It's a picnic! Of course you can pick up the chicken.
But in an era that fears formality, Miss Manners thanks you for keeping alive the notion that informality can still be misplaced.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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