File this under No Surprise: According to a relatively recent poll, Americans’ favorite cheese is cheddar.

Swiss cheese comes in at No. 10. File that under I’m Totally Shocked.

If you had asked me — and I can’t imagine why you would — I would have guessed that Swiss cheese would be No. 2. Maybe even No. 1. But the once-mighty Swiss falling so low that it barely cracks the 10 most popular cheeses in America?

I’m totally shocked.

I am, but other people are not. I asked several colleagues about it, and they were generally less surprised than I.

“I hate Swiss,” said one.

“I hate Swiss,” said another.

“I hate Swiss,” said a third.

A fourth may have said it, too, and in the same words, but I was too dispirited to keep track.

Only one person said she loved Swiss cheese. “The holes are delightful,” she said.

I always knew I was a little unusual. To be perfectly honest, I always knew I was very unusual. But I never before realized just how out of step I am with the rest of the world.

I like Swiss cheese. And if it is particularly good, I love it.

One of the people I talked to complained that Swiss has no flavor. The only time he likes it, he said, is when it is melted on a Reuben sandwich, and then he only likes it because it absorbs the flavor of the corned beef and sauerkraut.

That comment opened a locked door to me. Suddenly, I realized the problem: The guy has only eaten bad, flavorless Swiss. Or at least mundane, flavorless Swiss.

The same man also mentioned that he especially loves high-quality cheddar, when the texture is a little granular. I know what he means. Really good cheddar is fairly amazing.

But, Dude. So is really good Swiss.

Good Swiss cheese — Emmentaler and its cousin, Gruyere — are like fine wines. Each nibble opens your palate to a swirl of balanced and complementary flavors.

Think I’m exaggerating about how they resemble fine wines? People even talk about them the same way. This is how one cheese company, Castello, describes Emmentaler: “Boasting tones of ripe fruit and hazelnuts, it has no traces of acidity, and features an even rind with a firm and dense body.”

That’s fine-wine speak if I’ve ever heard it.

The question I put to my colleagues was not what their favorite cheese was, it was what they guessed the favorite cheese in America is. Most correctly picked cheddar, and the ones who did not chose American.

American cheese technically qualifies as cheese, because by definition American cheese has to be at least 51% actual cheese. But that leaves up to 49% that can be acidifying agents, emulsifying agents, water, salt, spices, artificial flavor, artificial color and sodium citrate.

The emulsifying agents and sodium citrate give American cheese its defining characteristics: It melts easily and does not separate when it does so. That makes it the perfect cheese for a cheeseburger and a few other things. But mainly a cheeseburger.

Apparently, Philadelphians have taken to putting American white cheese on their cheesesteak sandwiches instead of Provolone or Cheez Whiz, as God intended. American white is now so common there that, according to a 2024 article in Philadelphia Magazine, 50% of all Kraft American White Cheese Slices are sold in the Philadelphia/South Jersey area.

American cheese came in fourth place in the survey. Mozzarella was second, Parmesan was third.

After American in fifth place was cream cheese — which does qualify as actual cheese. I checked.

Provolone was sixth, Monterey Jack was seventh, Colby was eighth and Pepper Jack was ninth.

Swiss was 10th. I just don’t understand some people.

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